Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I can't put those talents on a resume
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
