Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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