she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
So. Much. Porn.
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