I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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