I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
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