So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize