I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
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