Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
