I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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