Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
