All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
