Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
