dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Congratulations! We have a period
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
