My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
