my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Randomize
