youre lurking in front of me
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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