i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
