Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i will never coherently bang her
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
