Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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