I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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