Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
