my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
