I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
