Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
