I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Everything about him screamed your future.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
