finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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