Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Randomize
