i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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