I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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