Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
