Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
