my mouth tastes like poor choices
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
