So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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