She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Found the puke drawer
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
