I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
