i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
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She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have fence marks all over my body
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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