Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Randomize
