Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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