i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
