sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
i am craving dick and cupcakes
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
