And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
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They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
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She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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