I think I am morally bankrupt
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
