her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize