I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
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Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
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What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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