"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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