Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
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