where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
