I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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