is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Randomize