My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Randomize
