i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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