dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Randomize
