I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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