No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
