Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
