Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
