Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
