thus making me awesome and them whores
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
