dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
