no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I don't deserve a penis
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
