She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
