he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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