My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize
