i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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