Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I think my fart just growled at me.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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